Oh hey there Webtaculators! Sorry for the prolonged absence – I’ve been busy trying to figure out how to raise a new tiny human. We named this particular human Shane, and think he is adorable.
Did you know that the hospital will just send you home with one of those if you helped make it without any real instructions? Just a quick “congrats and good luck!” and then right out with you. It’s not like you’d want to be in the hospital longer – that usually means something went not quite right, and will also cost you an insane amount of money, at least in the US.
Speaking of the US, WHAT THE FUCK. We absolutely suck at this COVID thing, nationally supported fascists are committing war crimes against protesters, tech stocks are through the roof, baseball is here, and Taylor Swift went indie. I left you alone for THREE FUCKING WEEKS, and this the mess I found you all in. FUCKING CHRIST [scolds everyone in dad voice, because that’s the superpower I now am entitled to]. On to the news.
STORY OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: FASCISM IS HERE
Why: Because I told you so. HEY! Remember when those fuckheads actually used real weapons to storm a federal building in Oregon, and NOTHING HAPPENED TO THEM????
ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. read)
What: EVERYTHING IS FINE
Why: Because 55% of the temporary COVID shutdowns are now permanent.
LAW THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: The ADA Turns 30
Why: Because I know I missed some very important rulings (the first amendment means nothing, DACA still exists [until Congress fucks it up], sexual orientation is a protected class, etc.), but the ADA has had some of the largest impact to make all Americans equal, and it deserves to be celebrated.
SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: The Laughing Stock Of The World
Why: Because our failure as as a nation is apparent and awful.
SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Fake Fans, Fake Noise, Real Baseball
Why: Because at least the team I have attached myself to solely based on my proximity to its location at birth absolutely understands the importance of Black Lives Matter.
MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Every Day Like The Last
Why: Because a decently made deja vu movie for these times is quite enjoyable. Also, The Old Guard finally gave Charlize Theron the good action star vehicle she was made for.
MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: The Nationalizing Of T-Swift
Why: Because I wasn’t lying – Taylor Swift made the best indie album of the year. Apparently women-led indie is basically all I listen to now – Here are some others, in no particular order:
The Chicks – Gaslighter
Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher
HAIM – Women In Music Pt. III
PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. look)
What: This Is America
Why: Because this is unbelievable.
LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Revisiting March
Why: Because John Lewis, a true patriot, passed away, and his words and actions matter just as much now as they did when he took his first steps across the Edmond Pettus Bridge.
VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Being An Overpowered Samurai Is Still Cool
Why: Because Ghosts of Tsushima is exactly the kind of video game I needed at this point.
INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Audobon Photography Awards; March March; Office Supplies;
Why: Because Internet.
THING YOU SHOULD GET
BRIAN SHANE OF THE WEEK
What: A Better Solution To Diapers
Why: Because Shane deserves it. Seriously though – diapers suck. You’re smart people. Invent something better. You’ll make millions, I won’t have to change him 80 times a day. WIN-WIN.
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™