URGENT: The earlier version was posted in error. Please destroy all copies at your earliest convenience. Those responsible have been sacked. Mynd you, møøse bites Kan be pretti nasti… On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Kiev Protests
Why: Because this is one of the first defining protests articulating the variance in influence between the EU and Russia.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What:We’re # 51!
Why: Because it allows me to feel good about myself for not passing the bar.

TECHNOLOGY THING OF THE WEEK (~30 min. with links)
What: The Mac Hits Its Dirty 30
Why: Because most of you are probably reading this on a Mac.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (15 min. and 3 min. watch)
What: Table Tennis! And Real Tennis!
Why: Because there is no football this week. Except this, but it barely counts.

FOOD THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Guy’s American Kitchen, Meet Your NY Times Review
Why: Because this is still one of my favorite reviews ever.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: You’re So Money, Baby
Why: Because this movie taught me all I know about how to be the bear I didn’t know I was.

TV THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. per episode watch)
What: The Greatest Event In Television History
Why: Because Paul Rudd and Adam Scott are hilarious.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. watch)
What: What’s The Story, Noel Gallagher?
Why: Because Oasis was huge, Noel still hates his brother.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (15 min. look)
What: Kiev On Fire
Why: Because see STORY OF THE WEEK.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Romeo’s homieos, Benvolio and Mercutio
Why: Because Wuthering Heights would have been bearable if Bronte wrote it like this.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: Games Time Forgot
Why: Because they were influential in their own right, even though no one played them. Especially this one.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK
What: This Is The News; Big Trouble In Little Atherton; I Works Good!; How I Wake Up Every Day
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What:

STUPID SEAHAWKS. On to the real news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: All Nets Not Created Equal
Why: Because this ruling has the potential to make the internet more like Comcast. No one likes Comcast.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: Build Your Own Damn House, I’m Eating Toast
Why: Because there’s actually a good story behind the origin of $3.00 burnt bread.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (40 min. listen)
What: Sotomayor, Por Favor (Me Gustan Las Rimas)
Why: Because the first Latina on the Supreme Court doesn’t remind lawyers not to read from their notes.

POLITICS THING OF THE WEEK (20 min. read)
What: Obama Tokes And So Should You
Why: Because this is the most open a President has been about the use of drugs and potential problems with sentencing disparity. Also some other things.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. read)
What: Sanka’s Not Dead, Mon!
Why: Because the Jamaican bobsled team is headed to the Olympics. And the Seahawks suck.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. watch)
What: Golden Again
Why: Because Tina and Amy killed it.

TV THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. watch)
What: Winter Is Coming
Why: Because the King of the North is no more, and I can’t wait to see what the ramifications are.

TECHNOLOGY THING OF THE WEEK (2 Min. watch)
What: Google’s Nest Egg Apparently Is 3.5 Billion (Me Gustan Los Retruécanos Malos)
Why: Because Google is about to become a huge player in the future of energy.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Dan Brown Sucks At Writing
Why: Because Dan Brown is a terrible author, and the world needs to know why.

GAME THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. watch)
What: This Is A Clusterfuck
Why: Because Cards Against Humanity is great, ipso facto this will be great too.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK
What: Everyone Loves Porn; It’s All Coming Up Millhouse; Animals Sitting On Capybaras; Act Like A Fool Violin
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: A Time Machine (Or This One) So I Can Come Out Of Nowhere And Chop Block Sherman So Crabtree Gets A Touchdown And The Niners Go To The Superbowl.
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Greetings Webtaculators! I Hope you all had safe and exciting New Year’s celebrations.

STORY OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Lowest Police Deaths By Gunfire In Over 100 years
Why: Because the sensationalization of news often leads us to believe that the world we are living in is much more dangerous than it ever has been.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (1 min. read)
What: Pot Sales Exceed $1 Million In Revenue In One Day
Why: Because Colorado’s legalization of marijuana just went live. This is going to be big business.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: US Presidents Who Owned Slaves
Why: Because it is crazy to learn that the General of the Northern Armies in the Civil War was himself a slave owner.

FOOD THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: The History Of The Chocolate Chip Cookie
Why: Because C is for Cookie, and that’s good enough for me.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: Former Vikings Punter and Gay Marriage Advocate Speaks Out On Firing
Why: Because players rarely talk about what actually occurs both on and off the field, and even more rarely call out the people responsible for their actions.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. watch)
What: Total Cost Of Destruction In Die Hard
Why: Because Die Hard is my favorite Christmas movie of all time (Sorry Muppets). And John McClain broke a lot of things.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (7 min. watch)
What: Composing “One More Time”
Why: Because Daft Punk creates some of the best songs from other songs. This is what song production can be in the hands of masters.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. look)
What: Photos Of Antarctica From Shackleton’s 1917 Expedition
Why: Because the Antarctic is beautiful.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (20 min. read)
What: Valve’s Revolution; Interview With The Man Responsible
Why: Because Valve is one of the most interesting companies in the world.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK
What: Friendly Applebees; No Ice Cream For You!; Drop It Like It’s New Year’s Eve
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Restored Delorian
Why: Because Brian deserves a time machine.

Webtacularly yours,

Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™