Webtacular World Issue # 391, December 5, 2021

Greetings Webtaculators! Welcome to Webtacular World’s 8th Birthday Party. I started this thing when I was supposed to be doing a million other things, and that’s basically the reason why it is basically the longest continuous project I have ever worked on. To celebrate, here is my latke recipe, since Hanukkah is also eight days, or something! Enjoy.

Brian’s Totally Reasonable, No Fuss Some Muss Latke Recipe

INGREDIENTS

  • 4 Russet potatoes of reasonable size
  • 1 large yellow onion
  • 4 eggs
  • Canola Oil
  • Salt / Pepper
  • Apple Sauce / Sour Cream / Hot Sauce / Whatever You Want for toppings

TOOLS

  • Cooking range
  • frying pan
  • Baking sheet
  • Baking drying rack
  • Chef’s knife
  • Spatula
  • Cutting board
  • Two large bowls
  • clean kitchen towel / cheese cloth
  • Food processor with medium grater attachment and chopping blade
    • NOTE: if you want to be super traditional about it, a cheese grater and potato masher will work in place of the food processor. I DO NOT RECOMMEND DOING THIS.

STEP BY STEP INFALIBLE INSTRUCTIONS

  • Wash / scrub potatoes.
    • NOTE: no need to peel the potatoes, but you can if you want.
  • Peel onion.
  • Use chef’s knife to cut the potatoes and the onion into quarters.
  • Use medium grater attachment on the food processor to grate the potatoes and the onion
  • Move grated potatoes and onion (hereafter “mix”) to a bowl.
  • Switch the grater attachment to the chopping blade in the food processor.
  • Take ¼ of the mix, and put that back into the food processor.
  • Press “pulse” until nice and chopped. Should be a little thicker than smooth.
  • Add chopped mix back into the bowl with the grated mix, and stir with your hands until both integrated.
  • Take a handful of the mix place in the towel over a sink, bundle it up, and squeeze out as much liquid out of the as you can. Place drier mix in second bowl. Repeat until done (this is the hard part).
  • Once all mix is dry, add and mix in eggs until you have a slightly wet “batter” (3-4 eggs depending on size of the potatoes and onion you started with).
  • Mix in salt and pepper to taste.
    • NOTE: If you do not cook often, this will be more salt and pepper than you think is necessary.
  • Add oil to frying pan, about 1 inch.
  • Heat oil on medium-high (about a 7 or 8 if your range uses a number setting)
    • NOTE: Oil will be hot enough when you drop a bit of batter in the oil and it starts to bubble
  • Form a palm sized patty of the batter in your hands, packing the batter tight.
  • Place gently in the hot oil.
    • NOTE: Do NOT touch the oil, and try to not let the oil touch you. (the second is the hard part – oil likes being mean)
  • Fit a MAXIMUM of 4 latkes in the pan at once – you do not want to over crowd the pan.
  • Cook 3-4 minutes on one side, flip once (using the spatula, not your hand).
    • You can tell when they are ready to flip / take out of the pan when you can see the latkes turn a nice golden brown on the bottom edge that you can see from the side.
  • Place finished latkes on drying rack over baking sheet to cool.
  • Repeat until out of batter.
    • NOTE: you may have to top off / replace the oil every few batches so it doesn’t burn. You must wait until the oil reheats before adding the next batch.
  • Eat promptly. Share if feeling friendly.
    • NOTE: You can store cooked latkes in a plastic bag, and put them in the fridge for 2 days or a freezer for a 2 weeks. Reheat by placing on a baking sheet, and put baking sheet in a 375 degree (Fahrenheit for you metric lovers) oven until warm, 5ish minutes.
  • Get someone else to clean up.

On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: The Last Republican
Why: Because Bob Dole passed away today.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: On My Own
Why: Because living on your own in the United States remains an incredibly difficult thing to do.

TECH THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: The Next Phase
Why: Because Jack Dorsey left Twitter as the web continues to morph into whatever is coming.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: STRIKE!
Why: Because actually it’s a baseball lockout, which is essentially the reverse of a strike, but whatever. SPORTS!

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK ()6 min. read)
What: Make Los Angeles The 70s Again
Why: Because Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest movie, Licorice Pizza, attempts to capture whatever it was that people want to seem to get back to so badly.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: If You Have To, It Might As Well Be One Of These
Why: Because I generally dislike Christmas music.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: Year In Review
Why: Because 2021 is almost over, but it really is just the extra long second half of 2020.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: The Bookstore Has Gone Bad
Why: Because having a single marketplace actually does super strange things to book sales.

COMEDY THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: You’re Kidding…
Why: Because Spotify won’t pay more for comedians’ jokes.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Here Comes Santa Clauses; Bob Dole Bob Dole; Kenny G Is The Kenny G of Interviews
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Latkes
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

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