Greetings Webtaculators! I have decided that this year is the year of the procrastinator. December 31 is the deadline for news for 2019, and in the last couple of weeks, news stories have really made a hard, last minute push to the biggest news for a bunch of different categories. Trump is the third President in the history of the United States to be impeached. Adam Sandler somehow is going to be up for an Oscar. The Mormon Church has scammed its members, the United States, and its “charitable works” out of hundreds of millions of dollars. Obamacare is effectively dead. Any of these stories is insane on their own at pretty much any other point in time, but for some reason, they feel like just another day of normalcy for this fucking year.
However – on a personal level, there is some hope. I just turned 35, which means that you could legally write me in for President in next year’s elections (DO NOT DO THIS). I have been able to do some decent work with a local charity that is specifically not a front for evading taxes. Most importantly, scarily, and life changing-ly, my wife and I found out that we’re expecting to be parents sometime around the middle of next year.
[insert break for cheering, gasps, and crying]
This bit of personal news completely overtakes all those other pieces of information as the single most important thing that I have learned this year. Hopefully, in the near future, I will win my bet with myself that I am going to be an excellent father to a small child who is completely dependent on me (well, partially me) to not mess it all up. Until then, onto the news.
STORY OF THE WEEK (8 min. read)
What: Trump Impeached
Why: Because it turns out one impeachment might not be enough.
ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: God Sure Is Greedy
Why: Because the Mormon Church has most likely not invested over $100 billion meant for charitable purposes. Time to tax all religions.
LAW THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Killing Everyone Softly
Why: Because one of the main provisions that holds the Affordable Care Act together, making everyone actually have insurance, was ruled unconstitutional in a poorly reasoned decision.
TECH THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: They Know Where You Are
Why: Because it is insanely easy to track people through their phones.
MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (shorter reads)
What: Cats Is The Worst, Star Wars Is OK, And Sandler Is Great
Why: Because who knew that SNL would destroy Broadway?
FOOD THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Authenticly Itself
Why: Because the term “authentic” in food culture doesn’t really hold up.
PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK ()
What: Oh Hey Its A Fetus
Why: Because people like sonograms.
ART THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: Only Women
Why: Because women artists have been extremely underrepresented in the collections of most museums.
VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
Why: Because this decade saw the greatest expansion of the medium in its history.
INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: I’m Gumby Dammit; Red; Everything Is Going To Be OK, I Promise
Why: Because Internet.
THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Apparently Baby Stuff
Brian Brian’s kid deserves it.
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™