Greetings Webtaculators! I have decided that this year is the year of the procrastinator.  December 31 is the deadline for news for 2019, and in the last couple of weeks, news stories have really made a hard, last minute push to the biggest news for a bunch of different categories. Trump is the third President in the history of the United States to be impeached. Adam Sandler somehow is going to be up for an Oscar. The Mormon Church has scammed its members, the United States, and its “charitable works” out of hundreds of millions of dollars. Obamacare is effectively dead. Any of these stories is insane on their own at pretty much any other point in time, but for some reason, they feel like just another day of normalcy for this fucking year.

However – on a personal level, there is some hope. I just turned 35, which means that you could legally write me in for President in next year’s elections (DO NOT DO THIS). I have been able to do some decent work with a local charity that is specifically not a front for evading taxes. Most importantly, scarily, and life changing-ly, my wife and I found out that we’re expecting to be parents sometime around the middle of next year.

[insert break for cheering, gasps, and crying]

This bit of personal news completely overtakes all those other pieces of information as the single most important thing that I have learned this year. Hopefully, in the near future, I will win my bet with myself that I am going to be an excellent father to a small child who is completely dependent on me (well, partially me) to not mess it all up. Until then, onto the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (8 min. read)
What: Trump Impeached
Why: Because it turns out one impeachment might not be enough.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: God Sure Is Greedy
Why: Because the Mormon Church has most likely not invested over $100 billion meant for charitable purposes. Time to tax all religions.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Killing Everyone Softly
Why: Because one of the main provisions that holds the Affordable Care Act together, making everyone actually have insurance, was ruled unconstitutional in a poorly reasoned decision.

TECH THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: They Know Where You Are
Why: Because it is insanely easy to track people through their phones.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (shorter reads)
What: Cats Is The Worst, Star Wars Is OK, And Sandler Is Great
Why: Because who knew that SNL would destroy Broadway?

FOOD THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Authenticly Itself
Why: Because the term “authentic” in food culture doesn’t really hold up.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK ()
What: Oh Hey Its A Fetus
Why: Because people like sonograms.

ART THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: Only Women
Why: Because women artists have been extremely underrepresented in the collections of most museums.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: 2010’s
Why: Because this decade saw the greatest expansion of the medium in its history.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: I’m Gumby Dammit; Red; Everything Is Going To Be OK, I Promise
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Apparently Baby Stuff
Why: Because Brian Brian’s kid deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

Greetings Webtaculators! Sorry to miss last week. I was too busy trying to figure out what I was doing at a Packers game at Lambeau Field. Based on my limited experience with Wisconsin, the fact that there are enough Wisconsinites to do shitty things like this is not surprising to me. To make it up to you all, here are two stories for the price of free for each category. On to the news.

STORIES OF THE WEEK (5 min. read; 3 min. read)
What: Articles Of Impeachment; Britain Will Leave
Why: Because Trump will be impeached by the House, but the Senate will plug their ears, stuff their heads in the sand, and pretend that none of the facts presented in the case against Trump actually occurred. Also, after conquering the world and subjecting everyone to English, England votes to leave the EU because of the negative perception of foreigners. The world is incredibly stupid.

ECONOMIC THINGS OF THE WEEK (5 min. read; 2 min. read)
What: Trade Deal???; No Plane No Gain
Why: Because, for what feels like the billionth time, Trump has announced a trade deal with China. Whether or not it actually says anything important remains to be seen. Also, Boeing got lightly flicked with a $3.9 million penalty for installing non conforming parts on its planes. For reference, a single plane costs between $40 million and $450 million. Not surprising, since the FAA apparently knew about Boeing MAX’s problems that caused their crashes.

LAW THINGS OF THE WEEK (3 min. read; 2 min. read)
What: Let’s See What Buying A Court Does; Trump Found Guilty Of Defrauding A Charity
Why: Because it is assumed that Trump is a piece of shit for the first story, and is verified by the second story.

TECH THINGS OF THE WEEK (5 min. read; 4 min. read)
What: 5G For Real; Next Box
Why: Because the real next generations telecommunications system was just rolled out in 10 states. Also, Microsoft announced its new console being released next year.

SPORTS THINGS OF THE WEEK (5 min. watch; 4 min. read)
What: Cheating, Again; The Greatest Got Greater
Why: Because sports teams cannot stop being awful at sportsmanship. Also, Messi is the best.

MOVIE THINGS OF THE WEEK (3 min. read; 3 min. read)
What: Feeling Good About Divorce; The Second Level
Why: Because Marriage Story is a wonderfully acted movie about when things fall apart. Also, the new Jumanji does OK.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (long read; 1 min. read)
What: Back To Pitchforks; Fruscianti’s Back
Why: Because after the decade review, Pitchfork seemed… off. That is no longer a problem considering how few of the artist it thinks is the best of this year I have heard of. Also, John Fruscianti, one of my favorite guitarists ever, is rejoining the Red Hot Chili Peppers after a decade of being away.

ART THING OF THE WEEK (long looks)
What: Art Collectors Have Too Much Money; Best Photos Of 2019
Why: Because being praised for your art collections, in many circumstances, is not really altruistic at all. Also, good pictures are good.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read; forever)
What: Expanding Minds Internationally; Read Everything
Why: Because sometimes awards should look beyond America’s boarders, especially for children. Also, NPR’s best books list is way too long.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read; long look)
What: Giant Robot Smash; The Game Awards
Why: Because MechWarrior 5 proves that sometimes all you need in a video game is a giant bipedal tank blowing things up to be fun. Also, Sekiro won a deserved game of the year.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Storm Troopers, Evolved; Rewind Again; Is # 1 Even A Question?
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: A Pause Button For Life
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

Greetings Webtaculators! I hope everyone enjoyed on this great Thanksgiving holiday before Christmas so rudely barged in. Or, in the alternative, I hope you you didn’t enjoy Thanksgiving because you’re part of the vast liberal plot to get rid of it. The only holiday I am truly looking forward to is the best holiday of all – Birthday Month. According to my father-in-law, you get to claim the whole month of your birthday (regardless of the very clear meaning in birthDAY) as yours. So, I am hitching my train to this wagon full on, and I highly suggest you all do as well. On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Republicans Cannot Stop Lying
Why: Because Devin Nunes, one of the main Republican Representatives who defended Trump during the hearings last week, is now also implicated in attempting to get dirt on Biden. Plugging your ears while screaming THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN is not the same thing as winning.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Why Go Outside?
Why: Because online sales crushed in store sales for this year’s Black Friday.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Devin Nunes Has A Cow
Why: Because not only can Devin Nunes not explain his trip to Europe, but he also does not understand the Constitution.

TECH THING OF THE WEEK (long look)
What: Cyber Monday Counts As Tech
Why: Because there are more deals waiting for everyone who had much better things to do with their lives than shop.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Stealing Signs
Why: Because one of the most archaic parts of baseball, coaches using hand signals to tell batters / base runners to do things, caused the biggest scandal in baseball right now. Hey, anythings better than the blatant racism / homophobia that is part of hockey.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Little Women Goes Big
Why: Because yet another version of this classically adopted film is probably the best.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: Pitchfork… Liked Coldplay
Why: Because Coldplay’s newest album is a lot – but at least the bands’ hearts are in the right place by not touring due to concerts’ impact on the environment.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. look)
What: Thanksgiving Day Parade
Why: Because giant balloons are fun.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: National Book Award Finalists
Why: Because you need even more lists of great books that you probably won’t get around to.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Disco Is Back
Why: Because Disco Elysium is one of the most original and best written RPGs to come out in a very long time.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Peak Colbert; Baby Yoda Forever (Remember When The Internet Was Good?); There’s Nothing As Touching As A Corporation Stealing Your Childhood To Make You Cry
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Something Cyber!
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™