Greetings Webtaculators! We made it to the new year! 2021! The Roarin’ 20s! The 2000s are of legal drinking age! Everything’s going to be great! I mean, even Twitter found and destroyed Bean Dad, a random dude who has some less than stellar parenting advice! Yup – everything’s back to normal. I’ve got a good feeling about this one! On to the news.
STORY OF THE WEEK (long reads / listens)
What: BAD 2021!
Why: Because 2021 went and pulled an even bigger 2020. After a bunch of chucklefucks in Congress decided that maybe states’ electoral votes shouldn’t be counted, Trump went ahead and got caught on tape being all Seditious with a capital “S” by threatening Georgia’s Secretary of State to change the results of Georgia’s election. To top it off, Trump awarded a guy who most likely covered up sexual assault at Ohio State and another guy most famous for losing lawsuits to a fictional cow the Presidential Medal of Freedom. The end to this cannot come soon enough.
ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Shoulda Bought Bitcoin…
Why: Because a single bitcoin is now worth $33,000.
LAW THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. read)
What: 18 U.S. Code § 2384 – Seditious Conspiracy
If two or more persons in any State or Territory, or in any place subject to the jurisdiction of the United States, conspire to overthrow, put down, or to destroy by force the Government of the United States, or to levy war against them, or to oppose by force the authority thereof, or by force to prevent, hinder, or delay the execution of any law of the United States, or by force to seize, take, or possess any property of the United States contrary to the authority thereof, they shall each be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than twenty years, or both.
Also relevant – the term “by force” means using power, violence, or pressure directed against a person or thing. Force is a compulsion by physical means or by legal requirement. Force can be be either actual or implied.
“Trump alternately berated Raffensperger, tried to flatter him, begged him to act and threatened him with vague criminal consequences if the secretary of state refused to pursue [Trump’s] false claims” to “find 11,780 votes.” It quacks like a duck.
SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Strong Breeze Grows To Gale Force
Why: Because the SolarWinds hack (remember that?) is likely even bigger than previously reported.
SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (not worth reading)
What: Punt The Ball
Why: Because college football continues to be one of the worst things ever created. The Rose Bowl, named for Rose Bowl Stadium, home of the UCLA Bruins, located in Pasadena, California, was played in Texas(?) between a shit Notre Dame team who helped get the game moved and the state school of the least educated state in the nation. Speaking of Texas, that school just hired multi-time failure and drunk Steve Sarkisian as head coach, which is costing the school $25 million just to fire their current coaching staff.
Oh right. More positivity. Let’s see… Steph Curry scored 62 points in a basketball game! Hooray!
MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Thunderous Silence
Why: Because Riz Ahmed’s performance in “Sound Of Metal” is by far the best thing about the movie, followed closely by the sound design.
MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: RIP DOOM
Why: Because MF Doom, the masked rapper who you might not have heard of, but your favorite rapper definitely did, passed away.
PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. look)
What: A Sad Celebration
Why: Because I spent New Years’ Eve texting with friends as idiots blew up fireworks around my house, coming very close to knocking out the power. Hooray…
LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Year In Review
Why: Because COVID changed publishing as much as any business.
VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: To The Future
Why: Because these are some of the games you’ll be hearing more about as the year goes on.
INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Meet Our Dancing Robot Overlords – PS I had no idea how fucking terrifying jumping robots were, but now my dreams will be sufficiently haunted forever; Maybe Pexachu Can Save Us; TikTok Might Not Be Terrible?
Why: Because Internet.
THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK BRIAN’S NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION
What: My one resolution for this year is more dancing. I think that will fix most things / mean most things are fixed. See you all on the dance floor of the future. Except for the robots. They are not invited to dance with us.
Why: Because Brian deserves it.
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™