STUPID SEAHAWKS. On to the real news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: All Nets Not Created Equal
Why: Because this ruling has the potential to make the internet more like Comcast. No one likes Comcast.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: Build Your Own Damn House, I’m Eating Toast
Why: Because there’s actually a good story behind the origin of $3.00 burnt bread.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (40 min. listen)
What: Sotomayor, Por Favor (Me Gustan Las Rimas)
Why: Because the first Latina on the Supreme Court doesn’t remind lawyers not to read from their notes.

POLITICS THING OF THE WEEK (20 min. read)
What: Obama Tokes And So Should You
Why: Because this is the most open a President has been about the use of drugs and potential problems with sentencing disparity. Also some other things.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. read)
What: Sanka’s Not Dead, Mon!
Why: Because the Jamaican bobsled team is headed to the Olympics. And the Seahawks suck.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. watch)
What: Golden Again
Why: Because Tina and Amy killed it.

TV THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. watch)
What: Winter Is Coming
Why: Because the King of the North is no more, and I can’t wait to see what the ramifications are.

TECHNOLOGY THING OF THE WEEK (2 Min. watch)
What: Google’s Nest Egg Apparently Is 3.5 Billion (Me Gustan Los Retruécanos Malos)
Why: Because Google is about to become a huge player in the future of energy.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Dan Brown Sucks At Writing
Why: Because Dan Brown is a terrible author, and the world needs to know why.

GAME THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. watch)
What: This Is A Clusterfuck
Why: Because Cards Against Humanity is great, ipso facto this will be great too.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK
What: Everyone Loves Porn; It’s All Coming Up Millhouse; Animals Sitting On Capybaras; Act Like A Fool Violin
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: A Time Machine (Or This One) So I Can Come Out Of Nowhere And Chop Block Sherman So Crabtree Gets A Touchdown And The Niners Go To The Superbowl.
Why: Because Brian deserves it.