Happy March everyone! Although it seems the Russians are taking the month’s name a little too seriously…

STORY OF THE WEEK (8 min. read)
What: Russia Invades Ukraine
Why: Because I guess they are mad that the Ukrainians got a gold medal in woman’s relay biathlon? In all seriousness, this is what happens when a country (the United States) legitimizes a policy of “protecting legitimate state interests” as a validation for invading another country.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: Mt. Gox Gets Tapped
Why: Because none of you got the Magic The Gathering reference of my title, and also probably were unaware that the largest bitcoin exchange even had anything to do with Magic in the first place.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (8 min. read)
What: How To Catch A Kingpin
Why: Because it was amazing that it didn’t end in bloodshed (see any other kingpin takedown in history, or just watch Scarface).

SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read/ watch)
What: Duct Tape Challenge
Why: Because I can’t tell if it’s impressive that they managed to keep someone up for 15 minutes, or if I should be worried that people who build aircrafts that I fly in can only keep someone up for 15 minutes…

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (30 sec. watch)
What: Unbelievable Putt
Why: Because women are good at sports, too.

FOOD THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. watch)
What: The Hottest Hot Sauce
Why: Because Sriracha is delicious, and now you know why.

DATING THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. watch)
What: Modern Love
Why: Because most of you probably have or will date someone from the internet, so start Tindering and get you some.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: In Its Defense, The Name “Oscar” Is Probably The Oldest, Whitest Man Name Something Can Have
Why: Because it’s the Oscars tonight! And your girlfriend cares, so you should too. Or just watch this instead.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. listen)
What: Pharrell + Daft Punk = Gold
Why: Because these guys make nothing but hits.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: 10,000 Monkeys Play Pokemon
Why: Because not only did the collective internet beat a game, but they also created a religion in the process.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK
What: Reggie “Teaches” Science; Don’t Drop Your Hammer On The Moon; Yoncé; E Makes Anything Danceable; The World Is Full Of Animals
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Tesla Stock, (Or Just A Model S)
Why: Because Brian deserves it.