Greetings, Webtaculators! I hope all you coastal dwelling readers start investing in some wetsuits, boats, dive equipment, and landlocked property. Try Tracy, CA – if you wait 50 years, that will be prime oceanfront real estate.

STORY THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Mother Nature ANGRY
Why: Because global warming is even worse of a problem than we thought it was. Since CO2 is going to kill us all, here are some chemistry jokes.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (9 min. watch)
What: Invisible Homeless
Why: Because there are more people who live like this than you imagine.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Money, Speech, and Corruption Redefined
Why: Because freedom apparently really isn’t free anymore, and its price keeps on climbing.

SEX ED THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: Sex Ed For Guys
Why: Because it doesn’t make sense that we have such trouble teaching kids how humans actually work.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (7 min. read)
What: How To Shoot A Basketball
Why: Because you should learn from someone who makes 43% of their shots from 3 point range.

TV THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Cornholio And The American Dream (Hehehe…Hehe…He)
Why: Because Mike Judge has been one of the most influential entertainment creators of our generation, and he still has it.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read, 49 min. listen)
What: Teen Spirit 20 Years On
Why: Because Kurt Cobain died 20 years ago, and Nevermind was one of the first CDs I ever owned.

COMEDY THING OF THE WEEK (7 min. watch)
What: How To Comedy
Why: Because no one has time to leave their house to perform for other people anymore. Especially not the people who make your Sunday comics.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: How To Fix A Broken Game And Rediscover The Fun
Why: Because Diablo 3 was widely considered to be one of the worst games renowned developer Blizzard had ever produced, so they went back to the drawing board.

FOOD THING OF THE WEEK (7 min. read)
What: There’s A Pizza For Everyone
Why: Because it is surprising how many different versions of bread, tomato sauce, and cheese humans can come up with.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK
What: Cheeseburger + Patrick Warburton = Love; The Turducken To End All Turduckens; That Middle Part Tho; (Un)Public Service
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: MOTHER FUCKING FIRE BREATHING DRAGON
Why: Because Brian deserves it.