We here at Webtacular World are very excited to announce Webtacular World 2.0 with the launch webtacularworld.com. After many months of labor and millions of dollars spent on analytics, focus groups, and R&D, the web as you know it just changed forever.* Webtacular World 2.0 now inlcudes searches, a working archive, and most importantly, differently colored hyperlinks!!!!
With our recent update, we here at Webtacular World realize The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™ just became even more unknownier than it previously was; for example, we are certain you did not know that webtacularworld.com even existed before right this moment. At the same time, by letting you know that webtacularworld.com exists, we solved the very same problem of unknownness we created. Just by having read this, you are now at the very forefront of web development – in fact, you are so ahead of the curve that the developers at Apple’s current WWDC 2014 don’t even know about this, which is probably the only time in your life that you can say you are cooler than an Apple developer. In fact, our analysts just relayed that this notice just increased your water cooler cache (WCC) by 143%, which puts you way ahead of anyone.** We here at Webtacular World suggest you relish in your superiority.
Regardless of our (non)analysis, we here at Webtacular World are so certain that you will enjoy the new format, we have a 100% satisfaction guarantee.*** So kick back, relax, and enjoy Webtacular World 2.0 and webtacularworld.com in all of its HTML5 glory. You deserve it.
*Ok. Fine. More like a few hours and $18.00. You get the idea.
** Damn it, stop being so literal. You’re right. WCC is not an actual data point that anyone measures, nor one which our analysts spent any time analyzing.
***We would feel obligated to say “or your money back” at this point, but considering no one paid us in the first place, it’s a moot point.