Happy Easter! Hope you’re ready to read nothing but sadness, because this week has been terrible. Good job March. On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (20 min. read)
What: Ankara, Brussels, Lahore
Why: Because terrorists are playing a relatively simple game; keep people who disagree with them in fear, while providing more messaging for their followers. Calling people who kill park-goers, travelers, and children cowards doesn’t do justice to the word.  My friend Mo put it better than I could:

“37 in Ankara, at least 31 in Brussels, and now over 50 in Lahore. Hundreds more wounded and fighting to survive. While each was perpetrated by a different group (PKK/TAK, ISIS, and who knows? respectively), they all targeted innocent civilians in public spaces, transit or infrastructure. This trend of terrorizing civic spaces holds true in less recent attacks (schools in Pakistan, stadiums, theaters and cafes in Paris, schools in Connecticut and Virginia, movie theaters in Colorado, and more)… [I]t’s truly sad that the wars we’ve fought to protect our freedoms have spawned attacks on those very freedoms we took for granted just a decade or two ago. We’re now more worried about getting on a plane, sending our kids to school, and going to the park. If the frequency of these attacks continues, we risk moving towards a society that’s far more restricted – perhaps not in the sense of actual state-imposed restrictions – but self-imposed restrictions to protect ourselves. That would be a real dystopia.

POLITICAL THING OF THE WEEK (30 min. read)
What: Trump In His Own Words
Why: Because even though it takes about 30-45 minutes to read this transcript of the Washington Post’s Editorial Board direct interview with Donald Trump, you should read every word. This unintelligible, self conflicting, ramble of nonsense are the direct words of one of the frontrunners of the President of the United States in response to questions such as: “…do you believe there are disparities in law enforcement?”, “[w]hat presidential powers and executive actions would you take to open up the libel laws?”, and “what [do] you see as the future of NATO?” All of these are reasonable questions to ask someone who’s primary job will be to direct a country’s direction on each of these topics. What is not reasonable is that Trump was unable to answer any of these in a way that actually responded to the call of the question. He is specifically unqualified to be President. Take this as Webtacular World’s official anti-endorsement.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: The High Value Of A Sex Tape
Why: Because there are no winners in this lawsuit, or in the inevitable appeal. 

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: North Carolina Goes Backwards
Why: Because North Carolina thought that Charlotte’s laws protecting its LGBT citizens from discrimination were so abhorrent that it required the first special session in 35 years to block. Oh, they also struck down its mandatory increase in minimum wage. Just because.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Total Football Moves On
Why: Because John Cruyff, one of the few players to ever actually invent a move, passed away this week.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. look)
What: Badman And Stuporman Fail
Why: Because Zach Snyder managed to ruin what should have been an excellent movie. Instead, he turned Superman into Jesus and Batman into a mass murderer.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: You On Point Phife?
Why: Because Phife Dawg, part of the groundbreaking rap group A Tribe Called Quest, passed away due to complications from diabetes. ATCQ is one of the few music groups where I can remember the exact point in time where I first fell in love with their sound. It also helped that they didn’t take themselves too seriously.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. look)
What: Peep Show
Why: Because of course Donald won. Too many peeps.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: The Problem With Different Release Dates
Why: Because Dark Souls is one of my favorite gaming series, and it’s confusing as to why there are different global release dates for media at this point.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Funny Jokes, Or Something; Archer Reviews Bond; Too Many Peeps
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Peeps
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™