Greetings Webtaculators! Sorry for the early release of today’s edition. I hate depriving people of their only Midnight Sunday news source. I have a good reason though. I PROMISE. At the end of the day, I am officially off the market (not really; I mean, I’ve been off the market since I started dating Meagan almost 4 years ago) – I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!!! I’m thrilled I get to celebrate with so many of our family and close friends, whether in person or with your thoughts from wherever you may be. I feel like the luckiest person in the world getting to be her spouse, and I cannot wait to see what the next chapter of my life brings with her as my family. I love you Meagan 🙂
On to the news.
STORY OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: RIP Waco Kid
Why: Because Gene Wilder was one of the most talented comedic performers in cinema. His family’s statement is particularly touching. He will be missed.
WEDDING THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
Why: Because throwing a wedding makes you think about all sorts of things that you never have to at any other point in your life. Like, what is a charger? Or this conversation.
ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Newsflash! High Cost Living Is Bad
Why: Because high priced real estate causes a ton of problems. Go figure.
LAW THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Voting Restoration
Why: Because North Carolina specifically targeted African Americans’ ability to vote.
SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Internet Goes Boom
Why: Because a SpaceX rocket that was carrying a Facebook satellite to deliver free Internet to Africa caught on fire during its launch.
SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. watch)
What: The Runs
Why: Because most runners experience this at least once in their lives. It is not fun. (I realize this is the second scatological post I’ve made in the last two weeks. I am sorry)
MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: Shitty Penis Breath Kids
Why: Because the trend of kids to speak like, well, kids, quickly came and went in the 80s. At least the trend is seeing a reemergence with the success of Stranger Things. Imagine if Harry Potter went around calling everyone wankers. Actually, that would be hilarious. I demand Rated R Harry Potter.
MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Animals Know How To Be Human
Why: Because Glass Animals’ new album, How to Be a Human Being, is amazing. You really should listen to it.
FOOD THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
Why: Because Spam, basically, cheap processed pork parts in salt, remains a growing staple of food, and has continued to thrive way past its shelf life.
LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (8 min. read)
What: Subversive Cheese And Other Stories
Why: Because The Stinky Cheese Man was one of the first books that introduced me to absurdity for its own sake. I might have learned those lessons a little too well.
VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Gaming On A Crappy Laptop
Why: Because one of the problems with gaming on a computer is the constant need to upgrade components to be able to run games. This guy is attempting to figure out how to still make games playable, regardless of graphical fidelity.
INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: YTMD RIP; Mascots; How To Talk To Strangers; Doom Allen
Why: Because Internet.
THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Just Wish Us Luck And Happiness. Or Any Of These Houses.
Why: Because Brian deserves it.
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™