Greetings Webtaculators! It’s finally almost the end of this awful year. Just because it hasn’t made us miserable enough so far, this year also decided to take John Glenn, the first American to circle the Earth and well regarded politician who actually put the country before himself. Good riddance 2016. On to the news.
STORY OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Oh Good, Actually Russia Helped Trump
Why: Because I hope the people who actually voted for Trump’s heads should be exploding due to their inability to marry the fact that “those commie bastards” in Russia influenced our elections in favor of their “all-American” candidate. However, I doubt anyone who voted for him believes this actually happened, since their impeccably well-spoken says it’s ridiculous.
ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. watch)
What: Amazon Shopping
Why: Because I really want to see what happens if you try to steal from it. I bet drones drop a net on the person, and then drags them to be a warehouse worker for a set number of time until they work off the debt.
LAW THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: The Great Gerrymander
Why: Because the word Gerrymander is a portmanteau of the words last name Gerry and salamander, due to Massachusetts Governor Elbridge Gerry becoming famous for carving districts in a shape that resembled, well, a salamander.
SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Life, Finds A Wing
Why: Because we now have definitive proof that dinosaurs had feathers. Spielberg now needs to do an E.T. re-edit and make all the dinos in the original Jurassic Park look like giant chickens.
SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Someone Won The Heisman!
Why: Because just to let you know how different football is now, the story for Lamar Jackson (who?), who won this prestigious award YESTERDAY, shows up way at the bottom of ESPN’s home page beyond the scroll line.
MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (medium-ish watch)
What: A Bunch Of Trailers!
Why: Because the only one that really matters is Rogue One, but I’ve talked about Star Wars stuff enough on this. Also, fuck The Circle.
NEW SOCIETY THING OF THE WEEK (20 min. read)
Why: Because these people are clowns and deserved to be laughed at for their terrible ideas.
LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (VERY LONG READ)
What: NPR’s End Of The Year List Is Too Big
Why: Because there are 309 books.
VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. watch)
What: Jimmy Fallon Loves Zelda
Why: Because even though he gets mocked for his over-eagerness about most things, he legitimately seemed like a kid in a toy store with this one.
THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: More Energy Innovation
Why: Because Brian deserves it.
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
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