Greetings Webtaculators! Well, because our President seemingly has no real plan for running anything besides “do it differently than what other people say to do,” we might now be at … conflict? (definitely not war, because I don’t recall the Senate voting on whether or not we’re at war with anything, other than the vague notion of “terrorism,” or “drugs,” but then again, they’re busy trying to ruin the government on their own) with Syria. The lack of serious deliberation Trump takes on strikingly important matters is now in full view, but again, because SO MANY OTHER THINGS ARE HAPPENING, it is impossible to focus on just what the hell any of this means.
Here’s a broad statement that will probably hold true regarding what will happen: usually, brash actions taken by external actors within Middle Eastern countries tend to have decades-long consequences that are virtually unknowable. (See, e.g., Iraq, Egypt, Israel, Turkey, Yemen, and Afghanistan [yes, not technically the Middle East, but whatever, I doubt Trump understands that] for just a few examples.) Unsuccessfully bombing a foreign military installation of a country that is allied with a world super power, which, until Thursday, the U.S. was appearing to be way cozier to than made sense, and then throwing whatever good will was built up with those entities because a President saw sad pictures IS NOT SOMETHING THAT SHOULD HAPPEN, especially when there is no apparent plan. This would definitely be no way to run a business, and is most certainly no way to run a country. On to the news.
STORY OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: U.S. Bombs Syria
Why: Because see my rant above. Also, regarding the civilian chemical attack that was the impetus for the U.S.: Yes, chemical attacks by a government on its own population is an atrocious act, but bombing a single air base will not solve that problem.
ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. read)
What: Do Your Taxes
Why: Because you worked hard this year, and who knows! Maybe this will be the last time you have to struggle through it because Trump’s plan is the best plan. Oh wait, never mind.
LAW THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Justice Gorsich
Why: Because after a year, at least we have 9 Justices again…
SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: The iPad is 7, and Is an iPad
Why: Because for some reason, I own both a laptop and a desktop, but still not one of these revolutionary devices.
SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Golf Gets Exciting For One Day
Why: And no, not because Trump didn’t play again today, because of course he did.
MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Still Fast And Furious
Why: Because somehow the series hasn’t jumped the shark, even though there are now submarines and mind control in a series that started about street racing.
MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
Why: Because Pearl Jam is in the Hall of Fame.
ART THING OF THE WEEK (quick look)
What: Reddit Made An Art
Why: Because this is what it looks like when a bunch of people color a bunch of pixels over time.
LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: How To Win A Hugo
Why: Because even dinosaurs need strippers, apparently.
VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: The NeXt Box
Why: Because Microsoft is releasing a new console.
INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Steph Is Good At Everything; Put More Bands In Apartments (HT Tim); 10 Years Of Funny Or Die
Why: Because Internet.
THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Not A Pepsi
Why: Because Brian deserves it.
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
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