Webtacular World Issue # 226, April 1, 2018. TRIFECTA EDITION

Greetings Webtaculators! Regardless of our differences, we can all agree that this weekend had too many holidays featuring dead sons (some who stay dead, some who came back from the dead, and some who never were dead [see second story]). I hope everyone enjoyed drinking too much wine, collecting too many rabbit eggs, playing too many practical jokes, doing some combination of the three, or doing something completely unrelated to any of them. Finally, this is the time of year where I usually find a bunch of fun Peeps related material, but since this is the worst timeline, the only thing that I could find was this. Fun is dead. On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: That’s The Spirit!
Why: Because nothing says “I’m a Christian” like threatening immigrants (again). This capped off another stunning week where Trump fired even more of his super capable Executive Branch. At least he finally acted on the Russian spy poisoning. And, because we no longer care what happens in the Middle East, apparently 15 (or more?) Palestinians were killed while protesting at the Israel – Gaza boarder (Ed. note – the lack of actual facts I have been able to find on this one is very troubling. I do not know how in this day and age it is impossible for a 30,000+  person demonstration to go uncovered as a live event. The stories seem to hyperbolize that it was completely the Israelis’ fault or it was completely the Gazans’ fault – in most cases, if there’s anything we know about the history between the two, nothing is ever this simple. In this case, however, the burden falls on Israel, regardless of the importance of boarder security: 1,500 people can not get injured due to a live fire situation without justification, and Israel has done a terrible job so far of providing anything better than a “Sacramento Cop” explanation. Moreover, if maintaining security was Israel’s main goal, Israel has already lost control of that narrative, which is why it’s probably the best option to just not shoot at non-soldiers in the first place. But don’t worry, because Jared Kushner is going to fix this right up.)

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: More Strikes For More Pay
Why: Because it’s almost like unions are helping teachers organize in a way that gets them results.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: All About The Census
Why: Because the problem with just counting “citizens” is that it vastly under-represents the number of people actually living in a particular state. This has major implications for everything from allocated Congressional seats to district sizes to available funding.

NEWS THING OF THE WEEK (1 min. 30 sec. watch)
What: The Present Is Terrifying
Why: Because normally I’d throw in all the fun April Fools day stuff in here, but since it appears everything is lying to us anyway, it doesn’t seem so fun anymore.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: BEISBOL IS BACK!
Why: Because at least for now the Giants are tied with the Dodgers. And, even with rule changes, it’s not quite over yet. Also, the NCAA Women’s Basketball Championship game was great.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Are You Ready?
Why: Because Steven Spielberg turned a very mediocre book into box office gold.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Music In The Park
Why: Because Outside Lands is coming back this August with Janet Jackson in tow.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: God Damn It Sean Penn
Why: Because you should definitely not read his book.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: A Far Cry From Meaning
Why: Because setting an open-world, first person shooter in a version of rural Montana taken over by a Christian fundamentalist doomsday prepper cult, but then turning the rest of the game around that into a non-serious slapstick comedy kind of misses the mark.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: 23 And Your Car; Net Rogan; Sidekicks
Why: Because Internet (this is seriously depressing).

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Even Year?
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

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