Greetings Webtaculators! Welcome again to another edition where all the news that happened over the last week is delivered in a succinct and digestible manner. According to The Guardian, I’m protecting your mental health. You’re welcome. Also, do your taxes, for real this time (final warning). On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: The Problem With Bombing Syria
Why: Because it’s really hard to understand what exactly is happening in Syria when a President who won partially because of his claim of being against intervention bombs Syria for chemical weapons usage… again. For those of you paying attention to dates, yes, this is an article from 2017, and yes, the U.S. lead a bombing campaign against Syria for using chemical weapons less than a year ago (I don’t blame you for not remembering – it’s been a year of too much news, and I don’t really recall any news source bringing up kinda important point, but I guess they don’t remember either). It obviously worked wonders the first time.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Zuck Goes To Washington
Why: Because Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO of Facebook, a giant company with access to a lot of our information, had to spend two days in Washington assuring a bunch of elderly people that everything is going to be fine. To be perfectly clear, everyone who uses Facebook should understand that the misappropriation of data in this case isn’t their fault – it’s Cambridge Analytica’s, regardless of Mark Zuckerberg taking the blame for it. Yes, Facebook has plenty of problems, and their business as it exists is invasive, but you probably should have known that. Facebook’s terms of service and Data primer spell out what they sell, and were things that you acknowledged that you read when you signed up (you read them, didn’t you?). I know, legalese and terms are boring, but it might pay to actually start reading these things.

Finally, it’s great that Congress is finally looking like it cares about privacy and data leaks, because it sure as shit didn’t when Equifax, a giant company with access to a lot of our information that actually matters for things like personal loan rates or the ability to qualify to buy a house, had to spend way less time explaining essentially that they are too big to fail for completely failing to protect our information even though that is one of the core parts of their job. While you can still be mad at Facebook, take a good long think about why you’re more upset about the company that lets you post pictures of you on vacation versus the one that determines your financial future without your knowledge.

POLITICAL THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Bye Bye Ry Guy
Why: Because Paul Ryan is a coward who failed to do what he said he was going to, and left the government broke(n).

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Playoffs!
Why: Because baseball doesn’t officially exist for another few months or so.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Rock Rampage
Why: Because the Dwayne Johnson finally figured out how to sell fun dumb movies again. This one happens to be based on a video game where the entire premise is a monkey, a lizard, and a wolf punch a bunch of buildings, and that’s about it. There must be a reason why Hollywood can’t make a good video game movie.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. listen)
What: Sky Full Of Songs
Why: Because Florence + The Machine still kills it. Also, Bey slayed Coachella.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: This Is What Propaganda Looks Like
Why: Because Mike Pence was not in Washington when the Trump decided to drop bombs on Syria.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Shots Fired
Why: Because Former FBI Director James Comey’s book is finally coming out. Read the transcript regarding the his George Stephanopoulos interview – you’ll hopefully never have to hear a former head of FBI call a sitting President “morally unfit” again.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (8 min. read)
What: Mad Dads
Why: Because God of War’s Kratos, previously seen being an angry ashen man who killed every single Greek god in some truly brutal ways, somehow managed to find a little bit of heart, and now is rampaging through Norse Mythology. Good times. As for real people, Billy Mitchell, best known for his role in The King of Kong, just was stripped of all of his video game high score records.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Raccoons Are Funnier In French; West Rolled; A Legacy Of Trauma
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Airstream, Because Houses Are Expensive
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™