Greetings Webtaculators! Sometimes your weekends don’t end up being yours, but end up being about the people that make your life particularly worth living. Also, sometimes you miss a place you visited so you spend 8 hours cooking a 4 course French meal. The two could be related, but probably aren’t. Who knows.  On to the news.

BREAKING NEWS I’M PARTICULARLY MAD ABOUT OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Gilroy Garlic Festival Massacre
Why: Because the fact that people are now murdering people with guns at a fucking garlic harvest festival means humans are too dumb, angry, and awful to have a gun. The rest of the world has proved that you don’t need a firearm to protest (Puerto Rico; Hong Kong; Moscow), so the Second Amendment (as currently misinterpreted) is a cowards way of showing dissent.

STORY OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: The Failure Of Facts
Why: Because the Mueller Report was nothing without the “razzle dazzle (see dad, I do listen, I just think it’s awful),” because apparently Americans don’t understand what “Trump is not exonerated” means.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Cars Follow CA
Why: Because the buying power potential of an almost 40 million person state shows that things still can be done the better way.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (8 min. read)
What: Murderers
Why: Because the current Justice Department is no better than a bunch of gang members who decides that one of their own needs to be killed. Additionally, The Supreme Court in a 5-4 ruling just decided that the Constitution doesn’t matter by making the weak argument that Plaintiffs don’t have standing is one of the dumbest things that has come out of the mouths of this Conservative court.

SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Yet Another Sign That Climate Change Is Real
Why: Because much of Europe broke heat records over the past week. Heat records are no longer a cute thing – they kill people.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: What To Do With The Giants
Why: Because my favorite professional sports team is playing better than they have any right to at the moment.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Once Upon A Time
Why: Because Tarantino finally wrote the film about the time period he’s been aping for his entire career.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Give Him A Chance
Why: Because Chance the Rapper just released his first album. Apparently, those Grammy award winning music compilations don’t count as albums for some reason. Also, if indie / punk rock is more your thing, listen to Drunk II by Mannequin Pussy – it does a great job representing a lot of what I felt throughout my 20s.

FOOD THING OF THE WEEK (quick look)
What: What I Made For Dinner Tonight

Why: Because I’m not great at a lot of things, but I am a damn good chef. What you’re looking at is ratatouille, French onion soup, pomme de terre Lyonnaise, and cotes courtes au vin. I missed France, had some good friends come over, and decided was super happy to spend 8 hours of my day making delicious food. Also, reading the news this late in the day has made me slightly depressed, and I am sorry for sharing it with you, so I figured I could bring some slight levity. Also, if you ever want to come over for dinner, I am more than happy to cook for you.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Books For Summer
Why: Because Summer is almost over, and Publishers Weekly (which is apparently still a thing?) has a decently playful list of new books you should read, even if summer break was something you last experienced in middle school.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: How To Learn To Love MMORPGs Again
Why: Because even though the new Wolfenstein and Fire Emblem are out (and great!), nothing is better than playing a 9 year old online game that you press the same buttons over and over so you can look like a slightly cooler cat person.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: How To Advertise A Movie; Book Nerd Tattoos; Mallwave
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: An Infinite Super Market Budget
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™