Greetings Webtaculators. This all somehow keeps getting worse, doesn’t it? On to the news.
STORY OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: Epstein Dies Under Federal Imprisonment
Why: Because I’m not normally one for conspiracy theories, but ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. The amount of failure that needed to occur for Epstein to be able to kill himself while in a jail cell after having already been under suicide watch for a previous attempt is inconceivable. Of course, Trump decides to share his belief that this is somehow Clinton’s fault, even though he is the single person actually in charge of federal prisons. He managed to do this in between the most horrific thumbs up photo with an orphaned child who’s parents were gunned down in the anti-Mexican attack in Texas, speaking in a mock Asian accent when talking about Korea and Japan, and going golfing again.
ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (short look)
What: Stocks Are Essentially Flat
Why: Because after a bad week on Wall Street largely attributable to the stupidity of Trump’s tariff war with China, the market fell to levels just above that of a year ago.
LAW THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: Liberty For None
Why: Because if no one is granted asylum in the US, then I guess we aren’t the land of the free.
SPORTS THINGS OF THE WEEK (short looks)
What: So Much Spinning
Why: Because Simone Biles won her 6th all around US title with the first ever triple double on the floor and double double off of a balance beam. Also, Mitchie Brusco landed the first 1260 on a skateboard (I remember when a 900 was a big deal).
MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Be Like Spike
Why: Because Spike Lee published a list of 95 essential movies for aspiring directors.
MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Inside This Year
Why: Because even though I would have loved to see Childish Gambino, this is the first year in many that I did not attend Outside Lands. What has been one of my favorite events has slowly become for other people – in terms of cost, distance, and musical preference. At least the weed was legal this year? Also, there is new Bon Iver, but for some reason, I’m just not getting into it as much as did Justin Vernon’s previous work. Critics seem to love it, though.
PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (Really, don’t even bother looking at it again. It is disgusting.)
What: This Fucking Picture
Why: If there was any doubt that Trump is a monster, this should end that discussion. But, of course it wont.
LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: RIP Toni Morrison
Why: Because one of the great American voices is no longer with us.
VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Video Games Don’t Kill People
Why: Because the website IGN usually follows the ESPN mantra of entertainment – no politics. However, it’s kind of hard to not do politics when politics continuously fails to follow a basic understanding of reality.
INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Full Mustache; 50-30 Hogs; The First Actual Good Use Of Twitter In Years
Why: Because Internet.
THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Whoever took the real timeline and replaced it with this circus sideshow needs to give it back to the rest of us now.
Why: Because Brian deserves it.
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™