Webtacular World Issue # 320, February 2, 2020

Welcome to the most palindromic day in modern history.  I’m personally still relatively bummed that the 49ers didn’t pull off the win, but it truly is inspirational seeing once in a lifetime talent like Patrick Mahomes lead his team to a Super Bowl. I am explicitly talking about sports up here because what has happened to the beacons of global democratic systems in the is last week is too heart wrenching for me to bear.  On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: The Failure Of American Democracy
Why: Because aside from Britain throwing itself in the proverbial gut’a (the English are now nothing but an amalgamation of Tiny Tim, Oliver Twist, and Bert from Mary Poppins), the United States Senate failed to perform its constitutionally mandated duties, and assured the world that we are nothing but a sham government. The Senate just destroyed America as it was promised, but we are all too defeated / reliant / poor / complacent to do anything about it. SAUPER BAWL BAYBEEEEE!!!!!

Also, because this week was not stupid enough, the United States and Israel had a “mission accomplished” moment when they unilaterally declared a peace agreement without Palestine’s involvement.  As a small aside and disclaimer, I am a Jewish American who extensively studied Middle Eastern politics, and am both pro Israel and pro United States. That being said, this is announcement is atrocious, and is mockery of the whole concept of peace.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Promises Are Nothing Without Results
Why: Because like much of the Trump presidency, gains are underwhelming compared to the promises made.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: How Is Dershowitz A “Legal Scholar” Again?
Why: Because as someone who allegedly passed Constitutional Law at one point in my scholastic career, I can safely say I wouldn’t have if I made any of the arguments this “great legal mind“, who once stood for representation for defendants, made during his defense of Trump. May the worst lawyer win, I guess.

SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: The Destruction Of Science In Democracy
Why: Because once again, Trump has ruined the ability of the government to be a trusted source of facts.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Super Bowl Chief
Why: Because Kansas City is not in fucking Kansas, you fucking moron. I cannot believe this is real, and yet here we are.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (30 sec. watch)
What: Top Gun
Why: Because this was the first commercial of the Super Bowl.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (15 min. watch)
What: Las Super Mujeres
Why: Because J Lo and Shakira killed it at the half time show. it was a uniquely American, Latina, and sexy as hell performance put on by two incredible women over the age when trying to be those three things simultaneously is often impossible. I’m sure people were pissed that there were at least two songs they couldn’t understand.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. look)
What: The Future Is Now
Why: Because in context, these pictures would not have made sense four decades ago, so that’s good enough for progress, I guess.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: The Opposite Of The Half Time Performance
Why: Because writing about cultures that are not your own require an insane amount of patience and respect. I learned this lesson super early in my own life, but apparently I should have been paid seven figures before making my mistake.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. watch)
What: Who Watches The Watch Dogs?
Why: Because the BBC interviewed the game-makers of Watch Dogs: Legion in the game itself.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Middle Aged White Lady; Drum For Fun; Why  Bach Is Interesting, (And, How To Appreciate Modern Classical Music)
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Well, you didn’t get me a Niners win, so I guess I’ll just wait till next year. It’s OK though, we weren’t sure what city the parade was going to be held in anyway. It’s better than not knowing what state the team plays in, though.
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

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