Webtacular World Issue # 300, September 2, 2019

Greetings Webtaculators! Hope everyone in the US spent at least some time thanking the workers in the not so distant past for their literal blood, sweat, and tears  so that a bunch of us didn’t have to go to work today. Thank your labor organizers when you get back to work tomorrow, you know, if you still work for a place with a union. We still have problems. The current administration apparently doesn’t care, since as of this writing, the Department of Labor’s page on the history of Labor Day is down.

Unrelated, thanks for reading this for 300 issues (I am just assuming you have read this – I have analytics, but since I am not trying to grow the site, make money, or do anything useful with this besides maybe entertain and inform people / create a running catalog of the things I found important during every week, I haven’t really felt compelled to think to much about how y’all interact with it). That’s 5.7 years, or 69 months, or way more of your time than I probably should have dedicated to this. In fact, this has been going on longer than my current job, which means that it essentially is the single longest thing with a regular deadline that I have done on a continuous basis. I guess that’s kinda neat. Maybe there will be 300 more. On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Trump Of The East
Why: Because in order to limit the ability to block a “no deal Brexit,” Johnson suspended the English Parliament. I don’t know why these sad excuses for leaders are so hell bent on tearing down society, but apparently historically important people never expected modernity to take elections so frivolously. To be perfectly clear, a no deal Brexit will be very bad the UK.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE JUST FINE
Why: Because I’m just sitting here eating my avocado toast waiting for everything to fall apart.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Our Broken Court
Why: Because the NYC law not allowing people to transport weapons was changed, which means that any case stemming from the issue is moot, which means the Supreme Court has no business hearing it. Yet here we are, with the entirety of the Republican Congress still not giving a shit about gun violence. Neither does Texas.

SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (long look)
What: Cat. 5
Why: Because as Dorian descends on the Bahamas, Trump had no idea that a category 5 storm exists, even though he has said he didn’t know they existed multiple times in the past. At least our future understands that these events are more likely. Sorry Greta.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: Summer Of Coco
Why: Because yes, football is back, but the US Open also happened, and didn’t involve men destroying each other’s bodies, but instead consisted of young black women supporting each other as opponents (An aside – I’m still not sure why the author had to include what Osaka wore. I don’t see anyone bothering to talk about Federer’s choice of black shorts with a white shirt with black and red accents after his win). I don’t have a crystal ball, but it seems like only one of these sports has a future.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Joke’s On You
Why: Because The Joker seems well positioned to be misunderstood by people who want to misunderstand it. One Tyler Durden is enough for this world, thanks.

TELEVISION THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: The Dark Crystal Returns
Why: Because the new imagination is much better than the the original movie. Each character and group did nothing but fail to do whatever it was trying to do, with Jen somehow managing to fail the least through no fault of his own. The Seksis were appropriate nightmare fuel for a generation, and the world still is insanely gorgeous.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: Fear Not, Tool Has The Cure
Why: Because Tool’s latest album Fear Inoculum shouldn’t work in today’s musical zeitgeist, but it does. I never owned their albums, but there was always something about them that made me actually listen whenever Schism or Forty Six & 2 came on the radio, since their music was so different from whatever was on before or after it (like the definition of porn, you know a Tool song when you hear it). It still is. Also, Lana Del Rey’s Norman Fucking Rockwell is pretty good, if you want nostalgic sadness for the future from a retro 60’s crooner rather than prog metal. Both are worth a listen, even if you don’t think you will like either.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (8 min. look)
What: Dorian
Why: Because Hurricanes are terrifying.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Too Little To Late
Why: Because Mattis wants to end tribalism in politics. Maybe he shouldn’t have joined (or refuse to openly critique) an administration that overtly divides the country if he really believes that.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: Get In Control
Why: Because Control lets you launch heavy machinery at opponents with your mind, and is something that I am glad does not exist in reality.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Fight On And Win To 5 Cliches; 40 Years In 17 Minutes; 300 MPH
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Epic Pass
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

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