Greetings Webtaculators! Well, we now know what happens when you put an anti-government person in charge of the government – good job everyone. Here’s a statement I never thought I’d write: The head of the federal government is encouraging insurrection by 2nd amendment / states’ rights people against their states, for the states themselves implementing federal guidelines set by the head of the federal government. And here’s your quick con law lesson of the day regarding the Second Amendment of The Constitution Of The United States of America:
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
Well, no lesson, really, just the words themselves. That middle bit is in bold just for fun. If only the Founding Fathers wrote sentences that made grammatical sense, none of this would be a problem. Hey! At least it’s 420, we’re all at home, and weed is legal in a lot of places. Happy Monday! On to the news.
STORY OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: We’re # 1!
Why: Because America is so great it collapsed in a pile under its own weight.
ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. look)
What: Cheap Gas
Why: Because the price of crude oil is the lowest it has been since before World War Two. That is not the picture of a good economy, which is reflective of the fact that 22.2 million (and counting) Americans filed for unemployment over the last 4 weeks. At least the people who need it are getting that government money – oh wait.
LAW THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: Unanimously Good
Why: Because it is finally settled that state juries must rule for convictions unanimously for serious crimes.
SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: WHO Responds To Failure
Why: Because you should probably be listening to anyone other than Donald Trump regarding COVID-19.
SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: Temporary, Again
Why: Because the Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog is back just in time to cover all of those sports that aren’t happening.
WATCH THING OF THE WEEK (10 min. watch)
What: Super Secret Secret Club
Why: Because you already watched all of Bravo, and there are no more new movies coming out. More importantly, Unlike me, my friend Avery has been incredibly productive during this time, and made a few episodes of a family friendly show (think Blues Clues) from his living room called Super Secret Secret Club. There’s magic, puppets, jokes, songs, and a big stone head. Just watch it.
MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: The Trolls Take Over
Why: Because the tagline for the trailer during Ramy specifically for today is “made for kids, but you’ll like it too.” Yes, a kids movie is finally acknowledging stoners (note: I assure you this ad is real and actually exists. For some reason, I cannot find it anywhere on the Internet. I am baffled.)
MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: Do What Fiona Says
Why: Because Fiona Apple released one of the most essential albums in a while that somehow fits right into all of this madness. It is very good. This New Yorker article about the album and the artist is also fascinating.
PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Just Look
Why: Because some of these people are the worst of America, and some are the best. I hope I don’t have to explain who is who.
LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Books On Climate
Why: Because the EPA no longer cares about us, so we need to be better.
INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Even More Olaf; SO MANY PASTABILITIES! (sorry Meagan); The Song Of Our Times
Why: Because Internet.
THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Three Twins Ice Cream RIP
Why: Because Brian deserves it.
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™