Webtacular World, Issue # 245, November 8, 2020

Huh. So this is the 245th edition of Webtacular World. Let’s roll with it.

To 45,


I cannot begin to explain to you how much your loss means to me – 1. because there is far too much for me to describe here (but believe me, I’ll try), and 2. because you have the attention span of an ADD riddled puppy surrounded by tennis balls, combined with the same capacity for understanding issues as a rock, and the cruelty of whatever the opposite of the Dali Lama is (sorry to dogs, rocks, and Dali Lama’s evil twin for measuring you against one of the worst people in human history). I felt the weight of an eternal four years of awful, meaningless, and sadistic policies that you and your crack team of personified prolapsed assholes put into gear fly off my shoulders Saturday morning as I woke up to the news that you lost to a sleepy old man who can somehow jog up a ramp at night and a Jamaican/Indian-American Woman lawyer who was educated at both an HBCU and the University of California, the living version of your greatest nightmare.

You and I obviously have very different views on what a leader is. As someone who has both been a leader and followed them through various levels success, I think I have a pretty good idea of what a good leader is. A good leader has well defined goals. Make America Great Again, for example, is not a good goal, because it is essentially meaningless. Make America great at what? Foosball? It’s not clear. As far as I can tell, it has been racism, choosing religion over separation of church and state, increasing the prison population, killing black people, abandoning global allies, and lowering taxes for people who do not need more money. Weirdly, most Americans felt like me and decided that wasn’t actually what a Great America should be, especially after living through four years of it.

A good leader is someone who works towards the best version of their goal possible, while taking heavily into consideration how their decision has on the people they lead. This explicitly excludes a WIN AT ALL COSTS mentality, except in a very limited number of situations. This is especially important if you do not follow the previous step of clearly defining your goals. For example, calling for the opening of the US during a pandemic has resulted in the highest growth in COVID cases in the entire world. In case it is not clear to you, THIS IS A BAD OUTCOME.

A good leader uses the best information available to them to base their decisions on. You did not do this: instead, you did things like chose a very confused brain surgeon to lead housing policy, a man who tried to destroy his job previous to getting it because he didn’t know what it actually did, your son-in-law as the head of your COVID task force, even though he has no discernable skills at all, and the rest of your family as various flagrantly nepotistic roles that led to situations like your wife verbalizing that throwing kids in cages is fine, your daughter being snubbed on the global economic stage, and your eldest sons constantly vying for position of worst. I could go on, but Slate has got you covered. Basically, each one of these people was one of the worst choices for the job they accepted, and that is entirely your fault.

Finally, and most importantly, a good leader understands and practices compassion. Compassion is necessary for a couple of reasons. 1. leadership affects people – people are emotional beings that require hope, reinforcement, and a feeling of trust in order to perform at their peak capacity. Without the practice of compassion, you will not get good outcomes over time. Sure, you can rely on tactics like fear and bullying in the short term, but that doesn’t prove out in the long run, and ensuring the longevity of the United States happens to be one of the primary functions of your soon-to-be-not-yours job. 2. Compassion demonstrates to others that you are yourself human, which enables alternate pathways to problem solving. Instead, the country is stuck with your zero sum gaming and admiration of power, which in turn is heavily exploitable against you. 3. Compassion demonstrates that you understand the cost and weight of your decisions. Since you have none, it is obvious why you don’t understand why millions of Americans protested the killing of our black brothers this summer, why people correctly decided you failed at containing the virus, why you failed to protect our children from school shootings, and why the economy has not recovered regardless of your saying so. No one has a reason to trust you except for the gullible and cruel. Your failure to be compassionate has taken your already incredibly weak skill set and turned it into a gaping hole of failure.

If it is not obvious from this newsletter, you have taken up an inordinate amount of rent free space in my head over the past four years. Your rantings have kept me up at night, making me fret over the future world that my son is now forced to grow up in. You made otherwise good people chose evil over decency because you lied to them. You let terrible people feel like their opinions and voices merit consideration. You let Americans who were slowly gaining control over our collective and very real racist heritage unleash our hideous id into daily interactions. You cast a shadow over the people and machinations that make our country great, and sought to break them. You failed America, and it is finally time for your eviction – both actual and metaphorical.

Unlike a business, you cannot just enter bankruptcy and start again. The damage you and your Republican companions have dealt to our nation will be felt for decades, whether its from needing to rebuild our trust internationally, undoing intentional damage to our lauded institutions, and ridding ourselves of the rot of xenophobia and racism you purposefully unearthed. This will take time, energy, and effort by millions of Americans to fix. Worst of all, there is a non-zero chance that despite this herculean effort to fix all that you’ve destroyed, the effort will not succeed. That aside, at least now I have hope.

I know you can’t grasp the significance of you being the only impeached, one term, no-popular vote winning president in history, but I know those you surround yourself with will, and in all likelihood you will find yourself abandoned. Instead, you will hopefully find yourself being stuck with only your followers who you despise most in your purview. Oh, I also fully expect you to be in jail, which is as good as place as any to make sure you never inflict your horrors on humanity again. 

I am gleefully looking forward to never having to think about you or your family. You are done. You lost. Do not, however, conflate my not thinking of you with forgetting you. I promise you I will not forget. I also promise to continue working to ensure what you managed to do never happens again. 

So this is my final goodbye. Sure, you might pop up from time to time, but your loss has set me and everyone else free from your sphere of stupidity.  To paraphrase Billy Madison,

[45], what you [have done in the last four years] is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever witnessed. At no point in your rambling, incoherent [term], were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this [world] is now dumber for having [lived through] it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

With all of THAT out of the way… to everyone else who has been reading Webtacular World – sorry for dragging you along through my obvious angst. Considering I didn’t listen to my own first point for good leadership when developing Webtacular World, I didn’t have a great plan in place for knowing what to do when the Internet slowly stopped being fun. So you got news mixed with manic personal journaling and only some fun, which I don’t really think I intended. I apologize. 

I don’t know what the future holds, but I am hoping this place can return to a less serious tone (FUCK OFF 2020, you are a pox on history [pandemic related curses really don’t work that well right now, do they?]). I know I’ll enjoy it more, and hoping you will too.

On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (10 min. read)
What: The President-Elect
Why: Because Biden and Harris will chart a new course for America. What’s that feeling? Hope??? I almost forgot what that felt like.

What: Big Bust
Why: Because Jack Ma’s latest venture Ant went completely under to the tune of trillions of dollars after Chinese regulators stepped in before it’s IPO could close.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Bring On The Lawsuits
Why: Because Trump apparently didn’t understand that appointing judges isn’t quite the same as buying them.

TECH THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: The Last Tweet 
Why: Because it is no longer in the public’s interest (if it ever was) to give Trump a 24/7 microphone.

What: Never Learn, America
Why: Because Notre Dame’s last minute win sent thousands of kids to the center of the field to celebrate.

What: What Is The Greatest Gameshow Host
Why: Because Alex Trebek passed away after a long battle with cancer.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. listen)
What: New Foo
Why: Because the new single Shame Shame sounds different than much of their past catalogue, which is a brave thing for a 25 year old rock band to do. Rock on.

What: Celebrate
Why: Because it feels good.

What: A Reflection; A Glimpse Inside
Why: Because there a few books worth reading about Trebek and the gameshow personified.

What: They’re Here
Why: Because the new Xbox and PlayStation have enough different ideas to appear to be carving out their own distinct paths for gaming for the next generation. Game on.

What: Kornacki Forever; r/MapBoy (NSFW); John King, King Of Maps 
Why: Because Internet.

What: More of whatever this feeling is. I think I said it was hope earlier. Yeah. More of that.
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™


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