Webtacular World Issue # 320, February 2, 2020

Welcome to the most palindromic day in modern history.  I’m personally still relatively bummed that the 49ers didn’t pull off the win, but it truly is inspirational seeing once in a lifetime talent like Patrick Mahomes lead his team to a Super Bowl. I am explicitly talking about sports up here because what has happened to the beacons of global democratic systems in the is last week is too heart wrenching for me to bear.  On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: The Failure Of American Democracy
Why: Because aside from Britain throwing itself in the proverbial gut’a (the English are now nothing but an amalgamation of Tiny Tim, Oliver Twist, and Bert from Mary Poppins), the United States Senate failed to perform its constitutionally mandated duties, and assured the world that we are nothing but a sham government. The Senate just destroyed America as it was promised, but we are all too defeated / reliant / poor / complacent to do anything about it. SAUPER BAWL BAYBEEEEE!!!!!

Also, because this week was not stupid enough, the United States and Israel had a “mission accomplished” moment when they unilaterally declared a peace agreement without Palestine’s involvement.  As a small aside and disclaimer, I am a Jewish American who extensively studied Middle Eastern politics, and am both pro Israel and pro United States. That being said, this is announcement is atrocious, and is mockery of the whole concept of peace.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Promises Are Nothing Without Results
Why: Because like much of the Trump presidency, gains are underwhelming compared to the promises made.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: How Is Dershowitz A “Legal Scholar” Again?
Why: Because as someone who allegedly passed Constitutional Law at one point in my scholastic career, I can safely say I wouldn’t have if I made any of the arguments this “great legal mind“, who once stood for representation for defendants, made during his defense of Trump. May the worst lawyer win, I guess.

SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: The Destruction Of Science In Democracy
Why: Because once again, Trump has ruined the ability of the government to be a trusted source of facts.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Super Bowl Chief
Why: Because Kansas City is not in fucking Kansas, you fucking moron. I cannot believe this is real, and yet here we are.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (30 sec. watch)
What: Top Gun
Why: Because this was the first commercial of the Super Bowl.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (15 min. watch)
What: Las Super Mujeres
Why: Because J Lo and Shakira killed it at the half time show. it was a uniquely American, Latina, and sexy as hell performance put on by two incredible women over the age when trying to be those three things simultaneously is often impossible. I’m sure people were pissed that there were at least two songs they couldn’t understand.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. look)
What: The Future Is Now
Why: Because in context, these pictures would not have made sense four decades ago, so that’s good enough for progress, I guess.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: The Opposite Of The Half Time Performance
Why: Because writing about cultures that are not your own require an insane amount of patience and respect. I learned this lesson super early in my own life, but apparently I should have been paid seven figures before making my mistake.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. watch)
What: Who Watches The Watch Dogs?
Why: Because the BBC interviewed the game-makers of Watch Dogs: Legion in the game itself.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Middle Aged White Lady; Drum For Fun; Why  Bach Is Interesting, (And, How To Appreciate Modern Classical Music)
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Well, you didn’t get me a Niners win, so I guess I’ll just wait till next year. It’s OK though, we weren’t sure what city the parade was going to be held in anyway. It’s better than not knowing what state the team plays in, though.
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

Webtacular World Issue # 319, January 26, 2020

Greetings Webtaculators! I am still not used to this whole 2020 thing – it still feels too much like the future. On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Against The Truth
Why: Because Republicans just cannot stop lying.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Tragedy Of The Commons
Why: Because Trump’s treatment of environmental regulations rob the future of what is theirs.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Robbing Peter To Pay Paul
Why: Because the First Amendment apparently means absolutely nothing.

HEALTH THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: The Coronavirus Is Here
Why: Because this is the most serious global health epidemic in a long time.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (8 min. read)
What: RIP Kobe
Why: Because basketball legend Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash today.

TELEVISION THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Engage
Why: Because Jean-Luc Picard, the fearless Captain of the Starship Enterprise, is back, boldly going where no one has gone before.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: The Grammys
Why: Because Billie Eilish won everything. The show was not without its own controversy this year.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: Quid Pro Quo
Why: Because Bolton says that Trump tied the Ukraine aid to digging up dirt on Biden. Again, this is blatant attack against the core principles of American democracy.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: At Least Your Boss Isn’t Kylo Ren; Kobe’s Best; Terry Jones’ Best
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: A Mantis
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

Webtacular World Issue # 318, January 20, 2020

Greetings Webtaculators! I hope everyone had a good long weekend. Here’s a reminder of why many of us didn’t have to work today. On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: A Times Divided
Why: Because the NY Times chose both Warren and Kolbuchar as its presidential nominee endorsements. This is sort of indicative of the entire Democratic party, which is mostly divided about whether it should lean pragmatically centrist to reunite the country, or assume Republicans are a complete lost cause and do a massive course correction and elect someone much more liberal. The Washington Post essentially laughed at the unhelpful indecisiveness.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: Falling Into Debt Forever
Why: Because the way in which the economy treats different people’s failure to be responsible with is highly dependent on how much money they had to lose. If it’s a only a little, you could have your entire life destroyed.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: This Is Not A Legal Brief
Why: Because there are hardly any actual legal arguments in the document, and plays extremely loosely with known facts.

TECH THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: What They Know About You
Why: Because it turns out it’s pretty much everything.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Super Bowl Baby!
Why: Because the Niners are back!

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: Five Decades Of Soundtracking Scrolling Text
Why: Because the strangest thing about the last Star Wars movie is that it will also be John Williams’ last Star Wars score.

TELEVISION THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: All Gooped Up
Why: Because you should not watch The Goop Lab on Netflix. It will make you more stupid, and potentially dangerous.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: In Your Head
Why: Because the transformation from listening to music primarily through speakers to headphones has changed the way sound engineers produce the final product.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. look)
What: Take Your Pick
Why: Because its amazing that delivering articles of impeachment seems like such a quaint thing to happen.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Even More Books You Wont Get Around To
Why: Because I have no idea how the publishing world can support this many stories. I barely made a dent in my list of books last year, and now it just feels like I’ve missed out on everything.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (15 min. look)
What: What Does Best Even Mean?
Why: Because a breakdown of the best games according to metacritic (a review cite aggregator) has shown that as the gaming industry and its critics have grown, there is no real way to define “best” anymore. Hell, look at the Golden Globes this year – was 1917 really “better” than Once Upon A Time or Little Women? Who knows!

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Goldman Vs. Silverman; This Makes My Proposal Look Completely Inadequate; Learn Something, Maybe
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: A Future A Bit More In Line With MLK’s Dream
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

Webtacular World Issue # 317, January 12, 2020

Greetings Webtaculators! Isn’t it great to learn that playing war kills people? I really wish stupid people were not in charge of the world. On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Wagging The Dog So Hard It Falls Off Its Tail
Why: Because the constantly changing story for why Trump decided to murder someone half way around the world is not holding up to even the lightest amount of scrutiny. Thanks to his brash actions, an overly alert Iranian shot down a civilian plane. Good job everyone. Patriotism awards all around.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (2 min. read)
What: Failing Higher And Higher
Why: Because the rewards for people who destroy society are too high.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Barr At The Bar
Why: Because in another “just another day in the Trump administration,” the New York Bar asked Congress to investigate the US Attorney General for bias.

SCIENCE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: The Future Is Meh
Why: Because nothing coming out of the biggest technological trade show is really groundbreaking anymore. Here are some of the best things. This was probably the worst.

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (long read? [For some reason, ESPN has all stories as one continuous scroll. Who knows])
What: Bring It Back
Why: Because the Niners have a chance to be the best again.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (8 min. read)
What: The Music Makes The Movie
Why: Because John Williams has been working on Star Wars movies for 50 years.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Watch And Listen
Why: Because the Watchmen soundtrack is really, really good. Also, RIP Neil Peart.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: It’s Good Being Furious
Why: Because a growing number of books are channeling women’s well deserved rage at the world.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: The Year In Games
Why: Because even though the sun is setting on two consoles, there still is a bunch of stuff coming out this year.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Obama’s Favorite Music; Obama’s Favorite Movies; Obama’s Favorite Books Pt. 1; Obama’s Favorite Books Pt. 2
Why: Because Internet, and I miss a President who has impeccable taste.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: I Want To Be A Pod Person
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

Webtacular World Issue # 316, January 5, 2020

Greetings Webtaculators! Thanks for making it to 2020 with me. Who knows if we’re going to make it to 2021. Apologies in advance for starting the year off in such a bitter way. My back hurts, I am tired, and I am pissed off. If you want a much more positive version of Webtacular World, re-read the last issue. On to the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: There Is No America With Trump
Why: Because Trump killed a foreign general without proper authorization. Yes, Suleimani was not a good person (arguably, no general should be considered “good” from the amount of blood they inevitably have on their hands, whether foreign people or their own citizens). Murdering him extra-judiciously is the most stupid thing Trump could have done. With Trump as the figurehead of America, America stands for nothing. He must be removed from office before can cause any more damage.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Trump Bombs More Than Just People
Why: Because his unprecidented open assassination of a foreign military personnel will most likely continue to drive global markets down.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Freedom Isn’t Free
Why: Because when the government doesn’t follow its own laws, America isn’t free either.

TECH THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Bezel-less TVs!
Why: Because everything is shit, so why not watch the world burn to death without screen borders?

SPORTS THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: UnPatriotic
Why: Because the Patriots failed to make it past the wildcard round of playoffs this year.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: Golden Globes
Why: Because Ricky Gervais closed the show by telling everyone there to fuck off. Ellen’s speech was good, at least.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (24 min. watch)
What: Nirvana, Reunited
Why: Because it’s really weird watching an audience sitting still watching the surviving members of what once was the biggest band in the world + St. Vincent and Beck (?) through their phones. Those 5 headbangers in front get it.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: The Floor Is Lava
Why: Because Australia is on fire.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read)
What: The Next Chapter
Why: Because these are books you should read on the history between the US and Iran. It’s already too late for the people who should have done their homework.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: A Decade Of Marginally Lessening Shittiness Towards The Marginalized
Why: Because as forward thinking the technology driving these games are, the dudes who were the focus of the industry sure took a long time to realize that its not all about them.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Go outside. It might not be here tomorrow.
Why: Because Internet Trump.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Well, peace in 2020 was worthless to ask for.
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

Webtacular World Issue # 315, December 23, 2019

Greetings Webtaculators! I have decided that this year is the year of the procrastinator.  December 31 is the deadline for news for 2019, and in the last couple of weeks, news stories have really made a hard, last minute push to the biggest news for a bunch of different categories. Trump is the third President in the history of the United States to be impeached. Adam Sandler somehow is going to be up for an Oscar. The Mormon Church has scammed its members, the United States, and its “charitable works” out of hundreds of millions of dollars. Obamacare is effectively dead. Any of these stories is insane on their own at pretty much any other point in time, but for some reason, they feel like just another day of normalcy for this fucking year.

However – on a personal level, there is some hope. I just turned 35, which means that you could legally write me in for President in next year’s elections (DO NOT DO THIS). I have been able to do some decent work with a local charity that is specifically not a front for evading taxes. Most importantly, scarily, and life changing-ly, my wife and I found out that we’re expecting to be parents sometime around the middle of next year.

[insert break for cheering, gasps, and crying]

This bit of personal news completely overtakes all those other pieces of information as the single most important thing that I have learned this year. Hopefully, in the near future, I will win my bet with myself that I am going to be an excellent father to a small child who is completely dependent on me (well, partially me) to not mess it all up. Until then, onto the news.

STORY OF THE WEEK (8 min. read)
What: Trump Impeached
Why: Because it turns out one impeachment might not be enough.

ECONOMIC THING OF THE WEEK (6 min. read)
What: God Sure Is Greedy
Why: Because the Mormon Church has most likely not invested over $100 billion meant for charitable purposes. Time to tax all religions.

LAW THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read)
What: Killing Everyone Softly
Why: Because one of the main provisions that holds the Affordable Care Act together, making everyone actually have insurance, was ruled unconstitutional in a poorly reasoned decision.

TECH THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: They Know Where You Are
Why: Because it is insanely easy to track people through their phones.

MOVIE THING OF THE WEEK (shorter reads)
What: Cats Is The Worst, Star Wars Is OK, And Sandler Is Great
Why: Because who knew that SNL would destroy Broadway?

FOOD THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: Authenticly Itself
Why: Because the term “authentic” in food culture doesn’t really hold up.

PHOTOGRAPHY THING OF THE WEEK ()
What: Oh Hey Its A FetusIMG_4601 (1)
Why: Because people like sonograms.

ART THING OF THE WEEK (long read)
What: Only Women
Why: Because women artists have been extremely underrepresented in the collections of most museums.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (5 min. read)
What: 2010’s
Why: Because this decade saw the greatest expansion of the medium in its history.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: I’m Gumby Dammit; Red; Everything Is Going To Be OK, I Promise
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: Apparently Baby Stuff
Why: Because Brian Brian’s kid deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™

Webtacular World Issue #314, December 15, 2019 DOUBLE ISSUE

Greetings Webtaculators! Sorry to miss last week. I was too busy trying to figure out what I was doing at a Packers game at Lambeau Field. Based on my limited experience with Wisconsin, the fact that there are enough Wisconsinites to do shitty things like this is not surprising to me. To make it up to you all, here are two stories for the price of free for each category. On to the news.

STORIES OF THE WEEK (5 min. read; 3 min. read)
What: Articles Of Impeachment; Britain Will Leave
Why: Because Trump will be impeached by the House, but the Senate will plug their ears, stuff their heads in the sand, and pretend that none of the facts presented in the case against Trump actually occurred. Also, after conquering the world and subjecting everyone to English, England votes to leave the EU because of the negative perception of foreigners. The world is incredibly stupid.

ECONOMIC THINGS OF THE WEEK (5 min. read; 2 min. read)
What: Trade Deal???; No Plane No Gain
Why: Because, for what feels like the billionth time, Trump has announced a trade deal with China. Whether or not it actually says anything important remains to be seen. Also, Boeing got lightly flicked with a $3.9 million penalty for installing non conforming parts on its planes. For reference, a single plane costs between $40 million and $450 million. Not surprising, since the FAA apparently knew about Boeing MAX’s problems that caused their crashes.

LAW THINGS OF THE WEEK (3 min. read; 2 min. read)
What: Let’s See What Buying A Court Does; Trump Found Guilty Of Defrauding A Charity
Why: Because it is assumed that Trump is a piece of shit for the first story, and is verified by the second story.

TECH THINGS OF THE WEEK (5 min. read; 4 min. read)
What: 5G For Real; Next Box
Why: Because the real next generations telecommunications system was just rolled out in 10 states. Also, Microsoft announced its new console being released next year.

SPORTS THINGS OF THE WEEK (5 min. watch; 4 min. read)
What: Cheating, Again; The Greatest Got Greater
Why: Because sports teams cannot stop being awful at sportsmanship. Also, Messi is the best.

MOVIE THINGS OF THE WEEK (3 min. read; 3 min. read)
What: Feeling Good About Divorce; The Second Level
Why: Because Marriage Story is a wonderfully acted movie about when things fall apart. Also, the new Jumanji does OK.

MUSIC THING OF THE WEEK (long read; 1 min. read)
What: Back To Pitchforks; Fruscianti’s Back
Why: Because after the decade review, Pitchfork seemed… off. That is no longer a problem considering how few of the artist it thinks is the best of this year I have heard of. Also, John Fruscianti, one of my favorite guitarists ever, is rejoining the Red Hot Chili Peppers after a decade of being away.

ART THING OF THE WEEK (long looks)
What: Art Collectors Have Too Much Money; Best Photos Of 2019
Why: Because being praised for your art collections, in many circumstances, is not really altruistic at all. Also, good pictures are good.

LITERATURE THING OF THE WEEK (3 min. read; forever)
What: Expanding Minds Internationally; Read Everything
Why: Because sometimes awards should look beyond America’s boarders, especially for children. Also, NPR’s best books list is way too long.

VIDEO GAME THING OF THE WEEK (4 min. read; long look)
What: Giant Robot Smash; The Game Awards
Why: Because MechWarrior 5 proves that sometimes all you need in a video game is a giant bipedal tank blowing things up to be fun. Also, Sekiro won a deserved game of the year.

INTERNET THINGS OF THE WEEK (∞)
What: Storm Troopers, Evolved; Rewind Again; Is # 1 Even A Question?
Why: Because Internet.

THING YOU SHOULD GET BRIAN OF THE WEEK
What: A Pause Button For Life
Why: Because Brian deserves it.

Webtacularly yours,
Brian
Managing Editor, Webtacular World
The Internet You Didn’t Know You Needed™